Sunday, October 25, 2009

I'm kind of sad. My boyfriend seems to be losing interest in me. :\ He's been leaving more, not talking to me as much and just... things don't feel the way they used to. I'm still very crazy about him, but he just seems to not be very crazy about me. It's like we're just drifting apart. I've tried being more interesting when we talk, but that never seems to help. I've tried a lot of things, but he doesn't really seem to respond.
So now I'm redoubling my efforts on what I KNOW will make him look at me in a new light.
We've been making plans to meet up during spring break--he hasn't asked his parents yet, even though we started talking about it at the end of August. -_-; I'm working EXTREMELY hard to reach 102 by that point, just in case it actually DOES happen. If I am skinny and beautiful, how can he resist me? But if he never works up the balls to actually ask his parents... how will it even happen in the first place?

Also, there's that trip to my grandparents' next month. I'm getting more and more nervous about it--I just really don't know if I can lose enough weight to be happy by then. And then they don't have a scale there--how will I keep myself on track?! It'll look suspicious if I take my own scale. :\ I'm just really starting to freak out about all of it.

Plus, my dad was trying to talk me out of my vegetarianism today. Excuse me? Why would I give up the one thing I can really count on to keep me out of family meals? He always cooks stuff with meat, and so I always look vaguely grossed out about it, and then get a salad or something. He was like "It's only meat--besides, I think you've lost enough weight." I just gave him this look for a second, and barely kept myself from screaming "ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS?! I AM STILL FAT!!!!" but I just said "I'm wanting to stick with this for a while longer." He gave up pretty quickly after, but I don't think he's through yet.
My mom was doing the same thing. Like she was saying "As long as you avoid the fat on the meat, it should be ok." Now with her, I can pretty much just roll my eyes and she gets the message. So that's what I did. She's not big on meat, so I guess that's why she's not pushing it as much as my dad. But still, why do they see it as such a huge thing? It's irritating. My life, people. You control just about everything else I do, so don't even try to control what I put into my body--you're just trying to make me fatter. -_-;

I stopped losing. D: I've just been hanging out at 139 for the past couple of days. ._. It's kind of frustrating. D:

So on my new routine, it's an eat day. Not that that makes much of a difference, as I've ruined all the fast days so far by eating. At least it's always been something small rather than a full-out binge, but still! It makes me angry. D< I have two fast days tomorrow, so hopefully I can lose some then. I've also been exercising a bit, so that should help.

I'm not a very happy camper today. D:


  1. i had that with my parents but oddly a few years after i turned vegetairn
    "a fine then i wont eat anything at all" 3 day hunger strike soon sorted the problem she thought i was bluffing i passed out on the 3rd day i dont advise it thought because i think that is what make sher suspiscious now because she knows i can not eat

  2. Sorry about the whole thing with your boyfriend, and I agree, the trick is to get really skinny and show him what he's missing!
    I think I'll start vegetarianism too, I practically gag at the sight of meat. And plus, the calories aren't worth it.
    Goodluck with your goal:]


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