Thursday, January 28, 2010

So yesterday I was talking about a 'calorie bank' where I save up some calories, but basically my only rule was I couldn't use it during a fast.

Now that's all well and good, but after I went to bed last night, I figured I needed a few more restrictions on it.

1. The max amount I can keep in it is 500 calories.
2. I can only make a 'withdrawl' once a week.
3. The max amount I can withdraw is 200 calories per usage.
4. Still can't use it during a fast or,
5. Can't use it the day after a fast (to make sure my weight doesn't shoot up)

I'll edit the counter at the top of my page later. I've got to run right now. XD

I <3 you, lovelies! xoxo

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Today's review/tomorrow's meal plan

Review of today:

I stayed on track almost perfectly. I had certain times for eating planned out, but my alarm didn't wake me up this morning, so I slept until freaking noon. =_=; (I'm homeschooled, I can do that. ;3). So breakfast wound up being lunch, lunch was at about three, and then supper was about 20 minutes ago. I haven't had any of my snacks (Except my Sprite) so I'm going to go ahead and have those within the next few hours, and then tomorrow, I'm getting up and keeping my day perfectly planned and controlled.

I figured that keeping myself on an eating schedule would help when the days go down to being super-restrictive. I'll know when I can eat, and so maybe won't be so tempted to just walk into the kitchen and grab something.

Tomorrow's meal plan:

Grapefruit - 100 calories
Oolong tea

Green tea

Salad (dry) - 18 calories
Milk (1 c.) - 100 calories
Green tea


Salad (dry) with one egg - 88 calories
Frozen meal - I think it's about 320-40 calories. My entire family is around right now, so I don't want to go check. ^^; In the day's total, I'll just go with the high estimate.
Lemon herb tea

Peppermint herb tea
Grapefruit - 100 calories

Total : 746 calories

I think my mom and I are going to the store tomorrow, because literally my only safe choices are salads. Boring, boring, boring.
I've decided that if I stay under the limit for a day, I can take the calories saved and put them in like a 'calorie bank', to be spent like, add a little to this day, or if there's something coming up (like Friday's sleepover) I can save my calories for that. Cheating slightly? Yes. But I'm just throwing myself a bone or two so I'll keep this up. The only thing I CAN'T do with this calorie bank is use it during a fast. The fasts MUST be taken. I'm still trying to decide if I'm going to carry this through the entire 93 days, or if I'm just going to go for a certain point and then if I don't eat the calories during the day, they're gone. But for now... XD

Stay strong! xoxo
So today is going quite well. :D

I had my breakfast as planned, and at lunch, I did eat the high-cal stuff (Boo) but then couldn't finish my salad, so that shaved a few cals off. I'm headed for youth group in about 20-30 minutes, so I'll probably have my supper at around 8-9ish, which will definitely be a good thing, as that's hitting me about when I start feeling like I want to binge. I've also saved up my 'snack' tea from this morning, so I'll have that + tonight's 'snack' if I need it.

Of course, this is a 1000+ calorie day, so that's probably why I'm not having much trouble with it. I guess we'll see if my willpower holds in the next few days.

I'm having a sleepover with some friends on Friday, which lands on a 1000 calorie day. Likely going to be major snacking going on, so I'm probably going to save 200-300 extra calories from Thursday, and then fast until the sleepover so I can make sure to not go over. I'm not sure what kind of snacks we're having, but I'm pretty sure I can keep myself under control. ^^

Stay lovely xoxo

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Musings, diets and weight goals.

So today, I was reading through the list of blogs I follow, which is sadly neglected.

I think this whole side of my life has been neglected lately. It's pretty obvious, since I've been eating like crazy lately. I've slacked off on this side of things, and that is almost unforgivable to me. It's just sheer, crazy luck that I've managed to remain between 137 and 139--as far as I know, I haven't gone above 139, which I count as a minor victory, though perhaps it's not a victory so much as it's a mercy given to me. But that's really not the point, is it? The point is, it has to stop. Now.

You've probably all lost faith in me--I know I've lost faith in myself. I haven't offered anything except hollow promises and too many starting-overs to count. This falling away has been the worse, it's lasted far too long already.

I think my main problem has been in my starting-overs. I've just said 'There, I'm starting over.' and then I don't have a plan. I'm lost. I just kind of float around not paying attention to what I eat, to what I do. So this time, I do have a diet plan.

Today, I read about a diet called the Staircase diet. It starts out ridiculously high (1300 calories), steps down to 0, then steps back up ridiculously high (1250). Well, I didn't want to end so high... so I modified it. I tacked some on the end, stepping down to 500. It still didn't feel complete... so I added the ABC diet to the end of it. It's come out to a diet that'll last 93 days, which, as you know, is about three months. I'm extremely nervous, but also extremely excited because of all the calorie glory I'll get to wallow in for the first couple of days--as if I haven't already been wallowing in just as much or more! So I decided to count today as day one. I think I've had more than the limit, because I had to go out to dinner with my family today, but I'm still going to call it, just to get the highest day out of the way. This is the entire thing, btw:

1. 1300 calories
2. 1200 calories
3. 1100 calories
4. 1000 calories
5. 900 calories
6. 800 calories
7. 700 calories
8. 600 calories
9. 500 calories
10. 400 calories
11. 300 calories
12. 200 calories
13. 100 calories
14. Fast
15. 100 calories
16. 200 calories
17. 300 calories
18. 350 calories
19. 400 calories
20. 450 calories
21. 500 calories
22. 550 calories
23. 600 calories
24. 650 calories
25. 700 calories
26. 750 calories
27. 800 calories
28. 850 calories
29. 900 calories
30. 950 calories
31. 1000 calories
32. 1050 calories
33. 1100 calories
34. 1150 calories
35. 1200 calories
36. 1250 calories
(This is what I added)
37. 1100 calories
38. 1000 calories
39. 900 calories
40. 800 calories
41. 700 calories
42. 600 calories
43. 500 calories
(And this is where ABC starts)
44. 500 calories
45. 500 calories
46. 300 calories
47. 400 calories
48. 100 calories
49. 200 calories
50. 300 calories
51. 400 calories
52. 500 calories
53. Fast
54. 150 calories
55. 200 calories
56. 400 calories
57. 350 calories
58. 250 calories
59. 200 calories
60. Fast
61. 200 calories
62. 100 calories
63. Fast
64. 300 calories
65. 250 calories
66. 200 calories
67. 150 calories
68. 100 calories
69. 50 calories
70. 100 calories
71. 200 calories
72. 200 calories
73. 300 calories
74. 800
75. Fast
76. 250 calories
77. 350 calories
78. 450 calories
79. Fast
80. 500 calories
81. 450 calories
82. 400 calories
83. 350 calories
84. 300 calories
85. 250 calories
86. 200 calories
87. 200 calories
88. 250 calories
89. 200 calories
90. 300 calories
91. 200 calories
92. 150 calories
93. Fast

I might throw in a few extra fasts as I go along, but right now, it's daunting as it is, so I'm not going to mess with it.

So, to stick with my new plan, I'm going to start making meal plans for the next day, plus writing down what I actually do eat. Now, like I said, I don't have a tally for today, but whatever, I'm still calling it.

Tomorrow is 1200 calories, and this is my plan: (Side note: My teas are 0-cal since I don't use real sugar. I do use creamer and stuff in my coffee, but it's like my little treat, so I don't count those calories. Other liquid calories are noted.)

Grapefruit - 100 calories
Green tea

Vanilla chai tea

Salad w/ dressing - 28 calories
Leftovers - (High est.) 400 calories
One slice of bread - 70 calories
Milk (1 c.) - 100 calories
Green tea

Sprite Zero

Salad w/ dressing - 28 calories
Frozen meal - 290 calories
Milk (1 c.) - 100 calories
Oolong tea

French vanilla black tea

Total for the day: 1115

Wish me luck with this!

Stay strong (unlike me) xoxo

Hey, you!

Yeah, you! There! With the face!

Leave me a link to your blog and I'll check it out. :P

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Square One

Since my last post, I've been attempting to fast. Note the attempting part of that. I've been failing miserably. Binged on pizza a couple days ago, but other than that, it's just been the sort of thing 'a little bit here, a little bit there'... you guys know how it is.

Anyway, I am back down to 135 as of this morning, so a victory dance for that, but I'm not sure I trust it, because it basically came out of nowhere. So I guess we'll just see about that in the next few days. I'm... umm... vaguely optimistic? I guess. XD

Ok, now as I said, I've been trying to fast, but it's not been working, so it's made me realize something. Now this is probably old news to y'all, but I'm just the dumb little newbie, so bear with me. I realized that after eating like a lardass, you can't expect to just jump straight back into the swing of things. I mean, that's just unrealisitc. Your body's gotten readjusted to eating... 'fatly', I guess, so it's not going to take kindly to eating 'skinnily'. Those aren't real words, but whatever. XD But anyway, I've decided to start just restricting again. I've set myself a limit of 500-600 calories a day, which is enough to get my body readjusted to low limits, but still low enough to let me keep losing.

I've also got a few rules for myself. No adding salt, and I have to add hot peppers to everything I eat to kick up my metabolism. And one rule that's very important to keep myself motivated is... I can't punish/yell at myself for eating something 'bad' as long as I'm still under the limit. I have a bad habit of doing that and then binging out because I just think "Screw it, I ate something bad anyways", but I'm not doing that anymore.

Also, I am... mildly annoyed. I've been thinking I'm 5'4" for a while, but I had my mom measure me last night to make sure. I'm like 5'-freaking-3.5". Which means, at my high weight, I was actually freaking OBESE. I know it's only half an inch, but the shorter you are, the more your freaking weight shows. ._. And I know y'all are going to tell me to stop freaking out, because I've been this short all this time, but now I KNOW about it, ok?! XD

In other news, at my high weight, the widest part of my stomach was 41 inches. It is now about 34.5-35. So I was kind of excited about that. I want to lose at least 5 more inches. : P
And I read somewhere that doing crunches and stuff actually makes your stomach look BIGGER. I mean, if you do them all the time and stuff. So I think I'm going to do about 10-20 twice a week, instead of about 10 every day like I've been doing. o_o I mean, I know it's just muscle under the fat, but still. I want to look SMALLER, not BIGGER. XD

Stay strong, stay beautiful xoxo

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Disgusting me.

I... cannot stand myself.

I keep saying "I'mma do better. I'mma do it this time. I'll stop eating fatassery, I'll start exercising, I'm gonna be skinny!" and yet it NEVER happens. I weighed myself right before my shower. 139. I'm not going to cross to 140 again.

No more promises. I'm going to prove myself through actions, not through how many pretty little promises I can make.

I'm going to be 125 by the end of February. I'm going to stop being fat.

It ends here.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Comments fixed, hopefully...

Yeah... I was just looking at my blog, and noticed I hadn't gotten any comments, so I was wondering why... and realized something was wonky and it wasn't allowing y'all to comment for some reason. So I ran away to Google, and it seems to be fixed. Please excuse my dumbness. XD xoxo

Why hello there, my beautiful, beautiful homegirls!

Now I really don't know why I just called you 'homegirls', but heck, it works. ;P I hope you're all having a bright, sparkly 2010, full of 10-lbs-in-one-day weight loss!

Ok, ok, I know that's not likely, and I myself am just waiting for the discovery of a way you can make someone ELSE exercise and get the benefits from it. Because I would so do that. TT__TT But I'm still hoping you girls (And guys, if there are any reading) are having a good year for weight loss. This is the year! This is it! We're all gonna reach our goals and be skinny-minnies and be gorgeous sexbombs!

Yaaay, pep talks! :3

So yeah, I've not been exercising like I should. I've been doing a bit of arm work, to try and get these flabby beasts under control. I do about 10 pushups at night (Not real pushups... too much of a wuss still. I do them against the wall...), and then 20 sometime during the day. Today I'm planning on two sets of 20 during the day and then the ten at night, bringing my total up to 50. Plus, I do that dancing thing someone told me about a few months ago. Just keep mah arms over my head and dance around. I do one full song, then give myself maybe a minute break, then do another song, then one more break, and then one last song, for a total of three. It's pretty fun, but my arms always feel like jello afterwards. ._. I need to start doing so much more to get myself back down to 132.

I'm about 138 right now and it makes me feel like an obese fat cow. If I break 140, I'm going to throw something. Literally. I'm going to pitch the hugest fit of my life and then fast forever.

Well, maybe not forever. I mean, that's kind of reaching. But if I could, I totally would.

Anyway, I'm fasting today. I went to the store and stocked up on all my safe choices (Lots of salad stuff... plus cherries and strawberries and grapefruit <3), so I'm all set if I just HAVE to eat something. Which I'm not going to let happen. The last time I fasted was December 14, when my boyfriend broke up with me. It was on a Monday, and I lasted until Friday afternoon, when I only stopped because I was in a car with my family on my way to my grandparents'. I was bored so I started eating (I was 132.... WHYYYYYY?! TT__TT), and that's when the dam broke. Been eating like a lardass ever since. But today that ends.

It was supposed to end... day before yesterday, I think, but I was over at my friend's house and we were being all hyper so by the time I got back home I was RAVENOUS. I could have chosen that point to say "I'm stronger than this" but I didn't. Pasta and a meatloaf sandwich. And then yesterday, I was all "Oh, geez... I crave food... I'll EAT!!!!" and so I ate. But today my willpower returns. I'm not going to let this get the best of me! 2010 is going to be MY year to reach all my dreams and goals! And now I could go off on a huge rant about that one, but I'll save that for later. ;P

I will, however, rant on the injustice of how my ex-boyfriend (I'll call him R instead of 'exboyfriend' from now on. Makes it easier.) is dating some beautiful girl. Like 10x as pretty as me. He broke up with me so he could immediately go for her. So yeah, I looked her up on Facebook (And I know it's her because I took careful note of the fact we have mutual friends), and... dammit, I hate to say it, but she's a skinny bitch and gorgeous. I literally sat there staring at my computer screen, completely stunned. Like... 'How can he do this to me?' I was pretty devastated, but now I'm bouncing back. I still have my rough days, but I'm slowly getting there. I'm going to lose these last 30 pounds and I'm going to be stunning.

Oh, and guess what. I'm turning 17 in September, and possibly graduating by the beginning of this summer (I'm homeschooled and working on a self-paced online high school). So I asked my mom "Hey, as a graduation/birthday present... could I get together a few friends and drive up to Maine and then work our way across the country to California?" She... is for it. I've been all 'holy shit' ever since. That was my 'reaching' request. My actual request was going to be going down to the Gulf of Mexico (I'm from Texas. :3) or something, but holy shitshitshit I might actually be able to drive cross-country with my friends! HOLY SHIT WAFFLE-MUFFINS.

Only thing is, I now have to figure out exactly how much this is going to cost and how long it's going to take so that I can actually start asking my friends to go with me. HOLY SHIT. XD! And then I have to decide which friends to take. Because if we take my mom's SUV, I COULD take four, but it would be better to only take three, so that the backseaters aren't cramped to hell. XD But then if we got my dad's van fixed so that it... would actually run without the driver and passengers fearing it's going to fall apart after just backing out of the driveway, I could take five, which would be my closest friends. If I mention them again, I'll just refer to them as S, J, MP, MI, and A. XD But yes, I am totally excited, and I'm making plans to stop along the way to possibly meet my online-friends. Which means I need to be a skinnyskinnySKINNY bitch by that point. AHHHH.

I'm shooting for 110 lbs by July 4. That's 28 pounds I need to lose in 179 days, which is about 25 1/2 weeks. If I've done my math right, that's about a pound a week. Ridiculously easy, mi'ladies. :3 I could even get down to 102 (Which was my original goal when I first started out on my weight loss), if I wanted! And I might. I'm going to go ahead and shoot for a 2 lbs loss per week, which puts me ahead of my schedule, which means I'll hit 110 in time to know if I need to go ahead and lose ten more pounds. : P Because if my friends and I stop at any water bodies, I'm going to ROCK a bikini. Because when we get to Cali, I know for a fact we're all going to want to hang on the beach, and I'm not going to let all the stereotypical blonde-tan-beautiful California chicks and dudes(!!!) put me to shame!

Oh, and btw, I used to date this guy that's four years older than me, and he lives in California. I need a vote here: Should I go and see him while we're in Cali? He's still pretty clingy on me and wants to get back together, but I'm not so into that. I just want to be friends. I've made that crystal-clear to him, and he's ok with that, but he still says he wants more, he's just not going to push it. And I don't mean 'wants more' as in 'wants sex'. Neither one of us is into statutory rape. XD I'm thinking I'd be pretty safe around him, because he's a pretty good guy, but I thought I'd shoot that out to you guys and see what y'all think. : P

Anyways, I love you all, but I'm going to end this long-ass post now.

Stay strong, starve on xoxox

Sunday, January 3, 2010


I'm sorry, I keep taking breaks and I feel like a dog because of it. ._.
Ok, so my weight is somewhere in the ballpark of 137. Again. This is not my happy face. I've been eating like a lardass lately, and I know I should say "It stops NOW! D<" but there's absolutely nothing in the house that's safe, and my stomach is all RARRRRRG. Now I know you're thinking "Come on, woman! Willpower!", but the cravings of a Bre on her period are not to be fucked with. Trust me, I know me quite well. If I don't eat a small supper at least, I'm going to be binging out all night. =_=; So I'm eating something small tonight, and my mom is off tomorrow, so I'm going to force her to either take me to the store or let me take myself. I need my safe choices, god dammit!

Btw, you know you're at least a bit fucked up in the head when you frantically search the bread aisles searching for something 'safe', and then bust out a happy dance when you find a loaf that's only 60 cals a slice. I did that a couple days ago. XD (And I would have replenished my other safe choices, but didn't realize how close I was to being out. =_=;)

The photos, by the way, are me. I made the skirt myself. : P I cut it from a much, much longer one and sewed the waisband by hand. It's a drawstring, so it'll still fit when I'm skinny. Hopefully by spring break. DX

Anyways, I hope everybody is having a good 2010 so far. I love you guys for putting up with me and my inconsistent posting. I promise, at LEAST once a week from now on. I'll try to post more, but sometimes I just don't have much to say except cursing myself and my appetite.

Stay strong, and send wishes my way for my own strength to return. xoxo

Weight Graph