10/9/09
Electricity went out, so I don't have my blog as a distraction. But even so, I'm going to stick to this. I can't let anything break me now. I'm going to be strong. Fat, but strong.
Today's meal plan is pretty much the same as yesterday. I just had my yogurt, so at 3, I'm going to have my rice cake. Then at 6, I'll have my salad.
Last night, I actually did have an emergency that made me eat. I cut myself doing dishes. It wasn't really a bad cut, and I was ok for a few minutes. But when I started doing the dishes again, I nearly passed out there at the sink! I stood there a second trying to collect myself, when this really horrible nausea came over me. So I stumbled my way into the bathroom, nearly passing out again. When I got there, I just laid there on the floor for about ten minutes. I was feeling a bit better--like I wouldn't black out if I even twitched a finger--so I went back to the kitchen. I had full intentions of making a PB&J, but thank god, there was no jelly OR peanut butter, so I just ate a piece of bread. So maybe there is a god.
I've finally broken my low weight, by the way, which was 144.2. I am 144.0. The loss train is back on the tracks!
---
4:00 and the electricity is still out.
I deviated from my plan because of sheer, mindnumbing boredom. I ate a pickle. 25 calories. It was REALLY spicy, thought, so yay for giving my metabolism a kick in the ass. I'm planning on having tonight's salad dry--that'll make up the difference well enough.
(insert ANOTHER ramble here)
(I tend to ramble a lot. XD)
----
I've just had a brainstorm. I usually mess up and binge on Fridays, so tomorrow is going to be a sort of fast day. Since it's already been proven that I'm a fat cow and can't fast or semi-fast by just sheer willpower, I've got it all laid out for myself. One rice cake (45), one slice of whole-wheat bread (100). I separated them into four parts each, and sealed one piece of each into four snack bags. I then added one bag of tea into each bag. I'll space my little meals throuout the day. Hopefully, having four different flavors of tea will trick my brain/stomach into thinking the meals themselves are different, thus removing boredom and the need to snack. Also, I have to drink at least four bottles of water before I even think of getting another meal. That should also keep me full enough to keep me from snacking.
Hopefully, tonight I can keep myself under control.
10/10/09
So much for control. Over 2000 calories yesterday. I am honestly disgusted with my fat, fat, fat, fat cow self. Ugh. No 140 calories today. Just a fast. Maybe I can reverse the damage. I'm too scared to even go weigh myself. I just know I've ruined everything.
I can't quite say that I feel much better now, but hey, at least 'the truth shall set you free'. Hah.
(insert ramble here)
----
I feel so, so, so much better. Mom loaned me her blackberry and I read all the blogs... I missed all those girls. I also managed to shoot an email off to 'R', which really helped take off so much pressure I didn't even know had built up.
I messed up my fast and had supper. I shouldn't have. I'm so fricking weak. I'll always be a fat cow if I keep letting my willpower disappear when faced with food.
I feel bloated. :C
10/11/09
I am pleasantly surprised. I only gained .8 lbs from my 2 binge days--though I don't really count yesterday as a true 'binge', exactly, because I'm pretty sure I stayed at the limit, maybe 50-100 above, but still within 'not good, but still kind of acceptable' ranges. It still made me feel bloated, though, so boooo.
I'm planning on doing the 140-four meal-four-water diet thingy I was going to do yesterday tomorrow. If that makes sense. I was going to do it today, but still no electricity, thus no tea, thus that kind of defeats the 'no boredom' plan I had. >:\
Hoping for electricity either later today or tomorrow.
Ok, hope that wasn't too boring. XDDD I am going after the 140 fast tomorrow, since I can actually make my tea now. XDD Uhhh... I think that's about it. Been eating fairly normally today, I'm currently about 100 calories under today's allowance, so I'll probably just have a rice cake later and call it a day. : P I need to go to the store and get more veggies and stuff--I haven't checked my salad fixin's yet, but I'm pretty sure they're all ruined after so long without refrigeration. Bleh. Not to mention, I'm down to my last few rice cakes. D:! Too bad I can only get that stuff in the bigger towns around this area, and apparently I'm not allowed to drive there by myself just yet. I mean, wtf, I'm a good driver. D: Been there ten thousand times, so I dun't see what's so different about me going by myself--plus if they just never trust me to go alone, then how will they know if I'm ready for it or not? o_O
Ok, sorry, I'm going to end this really long-ass post now. XD
Stay strong, stay wonderful, and think thin!
Electricity went out, so I don't have my blog as a distraction. But even so, I'm going to stick to this. I can't let anything break me now. I'm going to be strong. Fat, but strong.
Today's meal plan is pretty much the same as yesterday. I just had my yogurt, so at 3, I'm going to have my rice cake. Then at 6, I'll have my salad.
Last night, I actually did have an emergency that made me eat. I cut myself doing dishes. It wasn't really a bad cut, and I was ok for a few minutes. But when I started doing the dishes again, I nearly passed out there at the sink! I stood there a second trying to collect myself, when this really horrible nausea came over me. So I stumbled my way into the bathroom, nearly passing out again. When I got there, I just laid there on the floor for about ten minutes. I was feeling a bit better--like I wouldn't black out if I even twitched a finger--so I went back to the kitchen. I had full intentions of making a PB&J, but thank god, there was no jelly OR peanut butter, so I just ate a piece of bread. So maybe there is a god.
I've finally broken my low weight, by the way, which was 144.2. I am 144.0. The loss train is back on the tracks!
---
4:00 and the electricity is still out.
I deviated from my plan because of sheer, mindnumbing boredom. I ate a pickle. 25 calories. It was REALLY spicy, thought, so yay for giving my metabolism a kick in the ass. I'm planning on having tonight's salad dry--that'll make up the difference well enough.
(I tend to ramble a lot. XD)
----
I've just had a brainstorm. I usually mess up and binge on Fridays, so tomorrow is going to be a sort of fast day. Since it's already been proven that I'm a fat cow and can't fast or semi-fast by just sheer willpower, I've got it all laid out for myself. One rice cake (45), one slice of whole-wheat bread (100). I separated them into four parts each, and sealed one piece of each into four snack bags. I then added one bag of tea into each bag. I'll space my little meals throuout the day. Hopefully, having four different flavors of tea will trick my brain/stomach into thinking the meals themselves are different, thus removing boredom and the need to snack. Also, I have to drink at least four bottles of water before I even think of getting another meal. That should also keep me full enough to keep me from snacking.
Hopefully, tonight I can keep myself under control.
10/10/09
So much for control. Over 2000 calories yesterday. I am honestly disgusted with my fat, fat, fat, fat cow self. Ugh. No 140 calories today. Just a fast. Maybe I can reverse the damage. I'm too scared to even go weigh myself. I just know I've ruined everything.
I can't quite say that I feel much better now, but hey, at least 'the truth shall set you free'. Hah.
(insert ramble here)
----
I feel so, so, so much better. Mom loaned me her blackberry and I read all the blogs... I missed all those girls. I also managed to shoot an email off to 'R', which really helped take off so much pressure I didn't even know had built up.
I messed up my fast and had supper. I shouldn't have. I'm so fricking weak. I'll always be a fat cow if I keep letting my willpower disappear when faced with food.
I feel bloated. :C
10/11/09
I am pleasantly surprised. I only gained .8 lbs from my 2 binge days--though I don't really count yesterday as a true 'binge', exactly, because I'm pretty sure I stayed at the limit, maybe 50-100 above, but still within 'not good, but still kind of acceptable' ranges. It still made me feel bloated, though, so boooo.
I'm planning on doing the 140-four meal-four-water diet thingy I was going to do yesterday tomorrow. If that makes sense. I was going to do it today, but still no electricity, thus no tea, thus that kind of defeats the 'no boredom' plan I had. >:\
Hoping for electricity either later today or tomorrow.
Ok, hope that wasn't too boring. XDDD I am going after the 140 fast tomorrow, since I can actually make my tea now. XDD Uhhh... I think that's about it. Been eating fairly normally today, I'm currently about 100 calories under today's allowance, so I'll probably just have a rice cake later and call it a day. : P I need to go to the store and get more veggies and stuff--I haven't checked my salad fixin's yet, but I'm pretty sure they're all ruined after so long without refrigeration. Bleh. Not to mention, I'm down to my last few rice cakes. D:! Too bad I can only get that stuff in the bigger towns around this area, and apparently I'm not allowed to drive there by myself just yet. I mean, wtf, I'm a good driver. D: Been there ten thousand times, so I dun't see what's so different about me going by myself--plus if they just never trust me to go alone, then how will they know if I'm ready for it or not? o_O
Ok, sorry, I'm going to end this really long-ass post now. XD
Stay strong, stay wonderful, and think thin!
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