FML.

I didn't get to fast completely yesterday. I screwed it up.

See, someone forgot to inform me that we were going to a relative's house for dinner. So when we got there, it was a steak dinner. I was just sitting there thinking "Wtf, you bitches." So we all gathered around the table, and first I cut my steak into itty bitty pieces. Then I took a sip of water. And then I began. I chewed each tiny bite thirty times, and after three bites took a sip of water. I was slow, and thought about each bite as I put it into my mouth. I figured "Hey, if I eat slow enough, maybe they'll be done before I even have a fourth of this bastard!" But no. Even though I kept going slow, it's like something in my brain shut down. So the final tally was half a steak, a large baked potato (With only butter, thank god--they had cheese and bacon bits and all that other ungodly stuff, but I resisted.) and two slices of bread. No dessert, thank the lord. I was PISSED at myself, so I forced myself to mostly stand for the rest of the time we were there.

And then we came home. The electricity was out, because of a storm. Well ok, that's all well and good. So we sat around with lanterns and stuff, just talking. By the time everyone else went to bed, I wasn't even sleepy. So I read for a while, prowled around the house, and somehow wound up in the kitchen. Crackers, ham and cheese. I don't even know what I was thinking.

So my fast starts AGAIN today. I'm currently working on my first cup of coffee, planning on having another one later, plus a lot of hot tea and water. I've also already brushed my teeth twice, because I was thinking about eating, so I figured I'd try that little trick.

I'm going to make it this time. I've got to. It's only eighteen days before we leave, and I HAVE to lose weight. I have to.