Wednesday, September 8, 2010

This isn't a disorder, it's a choice

At least in my case. I used to do this because a, I had a looot of weight to lose, and b, because I thought it made me a hardass. It doesn't. The truly disordered of us ARE hardasses, and I admire them for coping with it with all the grace and beauty they do, because they are beautiful you know. =] And I hope they know it too.

Me, now, I do this because I enjoy the sense of power and accomplishment I feel when I lose a few more pounds, inching towards my goal. Just the thought of shunning something like food--something essential to life, just makes me feel like i have true power over something in my life. =] And I love that feeling. I love the feeling of hunger, and most of the time I don't get to feel it enough.

I'm just a selfish girl with self-esteem issues. That's all. That's my only identity.

I just felt like getting that out there, because I know most of you are thinking 'wannabe' when you read my posts. =] I love this, and I'm getting better at it. And if it keeps making me happy, I'll continue. =]


  1. good on you for putting it out there. i feel the same. i for one never think 'wannabe' about anyone...if what you're doing makes you happy, then it's perfect xx

  2. The only people tagged as 'wannabes' on this network are those who are ALL TALK- with your history, you don't seem to be the type! Great way to describe it- the power you feel as you inch toward your goal. While many bloggers may not be truly ana, at least you've got the inspiration and strength to persevere through each lb.



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